This is 30

Well... I woke up this morning and I was officially 30. It’s weird for sure because I don’t feel any different, but then I think back to when I turned 20 and that person seems like a lifetime ago. I’ve changed so much over the past 10 years, and it’s funny to think about how even where I thought my life would go is so different then how it actually turned out. So I figured, why not do some comparison to where I thought my life would be, and where it ended up.

First, I for sure thought I would be living in California by now, living my dreams making movies and TV shows. I was certain that was going to be what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, but as the years went on, my dreams changed, and I realized I didn’t want to be that far away from my family all the time. I think there’s still an option for me to do something like make YouTube videos or work with some people I know who are making movies here in Wisconsin. You never know. Now, here I am at 30, back in school for massage therapy, something that had only just been a thought in my head 10 years ago as a cool career. I love it! I am enjoying learning about the body so in depth, and it is so exciting when someone gets off my table after an hour and is so relaxed. It’s really an amazing feeling. I even had someone tell me the other day that they know people who just do massage therapy because they think it’ll be an easy job, and then there are others who are just born to do it, and she thought I was born to do it. She said I had healing hands. Who knew, when I took that aptitude test in high school and it said I would be good in a medical profession, massage would be it. Funny how life works.

I for sure thought I’d be married by now, which happened, but when I turned 20 I was less then excited about the idea of it because I had just had my first big breakup and I was devastated. I never thought anyone else would be able to be my person, but I eventually moved on to a very wrong person for me, and then I found a person I could call my partner... a person who just so happens to have the same birthday as me, which is so funny. Anyways, I was also certain that I would have kids by now, actually it was kind of my dream to have a kid in 2020, so my child would have a birthday like mine, and would change decades in years at the same time decades changed in life for everyone. Obviously we all know how that’s going, something I definitely need to update you all on because clearly I have been silent, and no it’s not because I’m pregnant, it’s because school is insane.

Another thing I never dreamed was living in Wisconsin. I always thought if I moved out of IL it would be to move to a warmer place like Florida or North Carolina, not got more north. But here I am, and I love it out here. Adam and I have started to build our little community in the Milwaukee area, and we’re starting to look for a house closer to where he works since the spa I plan on working for is out there as well and it just makes sense to be even closer.

Alright, what else... oh, I always knew I would have a dog, but I never knew the one I was blessed with would change me as a person and a caretaker to immensely. I thought I would have a shitzu or something like that, and never a dog that was loud. I ended up with a beagle who was happy to let you know he missed you. Gosh I miss him so much still. Every once in a while I’ll close my eyes and see him walking up the bed to come snuggle, and when I open my eyes, he’s not there and my heart just breaks. Now that I think of it, this past decade for me has be one of great loss. Even besides the loss of my first love, which when you’re young, is such an important thing. It taught me so much about relationships and how to treat a person. Beyond that though, my decade started with the loss of my auntie Lee, 7 years later my aunt Kelly, and last year my cousins Will, and Amanda. And of course this year, Baxter. I feel like every time someone passed, God was taking my heart and molding it into something new, something better. I am such a different person because of the great loss I’ve felt, and especially these days when some of our family won’t let Adam and I come over because we’re essential workers, I feel more prepared for that hurt because even if I loose any of them, they know I love them, and I know they are just acting out of fear. I feel like before I would have thrown a tantrum and been so mad at them, and don’t get me wrong, it hurts a lot to be cast out, but I can wake up knowing that life will be ok, and I will move on regardless.

Another thing I never thought would be apart of my life was spirituality. I was not exactly excited about God in my 20’s, I blamed Him for a lot of things going on in my life, and let’s be real, most of them were decisions I made, so who’s really to blame. It’s just funny, that here I am 10 years later, about 9 years into a relationship with God, and opening up new areas to my spiritual journey like meditation and chakra grounding. I used to think it was all so dumb and unnecessary, and now it’s what I turn to when life is coming at me. To be honest, for me and my practice, I fee like it would hurt my ability to massage if I didn’t have a way to ground myself and call upon something more then myself to help the person on the table.

I don’t want to go too long, but for those who have wished me a happy birthday, thank you, it’s definitely been a fun one. For those who haven’t... you’re dead to me... haha, I can’t even type that without laughing,no one is dead to me ever. Keep a lookout though, I am going to need to start practicing on more people, so either if you’re willing to travel to me, or if you are willing to pay for the gas and we can make it work, I will be scheduling some massages so I can start practicing on different people and working on how to assess and then execute a massage on someone. I will post something on facebook about it, I just need to figure out a schedule for it and they won’t be scheduled until a week before at most just because of the way my current work schedule is. Ok, well I think that’s all I have to say for now, I miss you all and I love you, and as always, thanks for reading!

Love,

Rene